He’s not your man or your woman. Each day, your partner wakes up and chooses to be with you. They choose to stay by your side. They choose to love you. That doesn’t make them yours.
They don’t owe you anything for the years you’ve been together. They don’t have an obligation to put up with your shit. They can easily ignore your commands desires and wishes as they are autonomous beings, just as you are.
Instead of desperately trying to control your partner, it’s better to understand what I said above. That your partner gets to choose each and every day to love you and be with you. Give them damn good reason to want to. Go that extra mile to make sure they want to make that decision. Don’t tell them what they have to do, give them reason to want to do something.
Being loved isn’t your right, it’s a gift. Treat it as such.