When I started to do my own research some years ago into relationship dynamics I went into it with my mind wide open. I didn’t read others work on the subject but instead talked to hundreds, if not thousands, of people about their relationships. I asked questions. A lot of questions.
What I found was that while the specific reasons were numerous, just about all the reasons given were about one core issue. Resentment.
How that resentment manifested itself was all over the map. He/she isn’t the same person I met. He/she isn’t attracted to me any more. He/she did xyz over the course of the relationship to me. You get the idea.
Once I understood that resentment was almost always the cause of relationships ending, I was able the then start to tackle how and why resentment builds in interpersonal relationships which quickly led to a formula that best enables people to avoid it altogether.
My Foundations series begins the first necessary steps in this process, but in my next series “Relationships 301” we will dive deep into exactly how to prevent resentment in any type of relationship. The surprising cure for resentment also opens the door to removing the second leading cause of strife in relationships – poor communication.
Most people believe that poor communication is actually the leading cause of issues in a relationship, or the cause itself of resentment build up. The actual relationship between communication and resentment isn’t as clear cut. The barrier to near perfect communication inside relationships is also the barrier that causes resentment issues. This means that poor communication is not the cause of resentment, but instead caused by, along with resentment, another much larger issue. Once you tackle that issue, the biggest hurdle to proper communication is overcome and the build of of resentment and bitterness cease.